million dollar idea: instead of spending thousands of dollars on steady-cam equipment, filmmakers should just attach a camera to the head of a chicken and carry the chicken around as you film.
my cat, for no goddamn reason at all except that he’s a cat and he can do whatever the fuck he wants: what if i just run at this wall, do a sick kickflip, scare myself with the sound it makes, and then proceed to run over your sleeping body? would that be fucked up or what
catholics in film: very strict. no singing or dancing!!! everyday we wear black
all the catholics I know irl: WHERE👏ARE👏THE👏BOOZE👏?????
Listen the first miracle Jesus ever performed was turning water into wine and early Catholics were like “well Jesus if you insist” and they never looked back
hey have i ever told y’all about my cursed apartment building
cursed how, you say???? well, here’s the thing: no-one can fuckin see it. let me explain further
i live in a tiny flat in a big red brick building with huge windows. it has a driveway with two columns on either side - not a thing you usually see in this area. it is opposite a bus stop and several corner shops. it is on a main, busy road. most significantly, it is attached to a church. a well-known church with a big pink sign on the front.
all things that would make it easy to spot, right???? like if i gave that list of distinguishing features to someone along with my address then they’d be able to find my flat easily, right??? well APPARENTLY NOT
we have never once had a delivery to our flat (outside of the usual postal service) where we haven’t been called by a lost courier
usually, they are about thirty seconds away. “i’m by the church and i don’t know where to go from here,” they say. so we tell them, “it’s the building right next to the church!! the one you’re outside. that church. it’s the next building along. it’s opposite a bus stop and it has a driveway with two big columns.”
without fail, they call back 5-10 minutes later, still lost.
i have answered calls from both lost delivery people and friends where i’ve been able to see them standing in front of the driveway, from my window
a friend of mine once drove past my building three times, while on the phone to me, getting increasingly panicked that she couldn’t figure out where she was going. she parked in a nearby road and i had to walk to her car and guide her to the driveway
however, my flatmate and i found this place when we were flat-hunting first time, no trouble, and we don’t know what that means other than i guess this place chose us and the rent is so cheap because the estate agents were so relieved to find the first people in a thousand years who could actually see this fuckin building
today a food delivery person called me to say he was outside the church, was told to go to the next building along, (a 20 second journey on foot) and arrived at my door 20 minutes later, saying, “sorry, i went to the back of this building by mistake. weird right???”
this building doesn’t have a back
it backs onto the rest of the church it doesn’t have a back where did he go
